Adults Know How to Manage Conflict (usually)

Sorry guys, it’s been a while since I’ve written last. Last week was spring break, and other than sewing a couple of dresses and visiting a college with my sister, nothing exciting really happened anyway.

 (insert shameless bragging about my sewing skills here)

But this week was the workshop for the intentional housing opportunity that I talked about in my last post. The workshop allows us to meet some of our potential future housemates and gives the mentors the opportunity to observe and get to know us a bit better. All of this factors into our housing placement for the semester, which we’ll find out in a few weeks.

I’m really excited to enter into the program. Everyone at the workshop seemed so friendly and great, and I think it’s a really good group of people participating this year; I’d be happy to have any of them as housemates.  We participated in a few different sessions- in one of them we had to make up the rules for our own card game and in another session we made a collage representing what community means to us.

And then there was the session on conflict.

…Let’s just say that’s not where my strengths lie.

Basically, we were given a scenario where we had to confront a hypothetical housemate about something like the mess they were leaving in the house, etc.  When I was called to speak up, I basically beat around the bush until someone else had to cut me off in order to get to the point that I was avoiding. If it were a test, I definitely would not be pleased with my performance.

I was really surprised by how passive my words were. Instead of saying “your mess makes us all uncomfortable and you need to respect us and this community by cleaning them up” I said things like “there are a lot of dirty dishes everywhere” and “everyone needs to share responsibility in doing the dishes”, which was a confusing and ridiculously passive way to communicate my point.

Which is ironic, because all night I was talking about being a communications major and about how clear communication is important to me.

Fail.

I don’t know why I couldn’t say it directly. I like to think I’m pretty honest and clear when I talk to people, but looking back, I respond to conflict this way pretty frequently. I don’t know if my response is motivated by a desire not to hurt people’s feelings, or a desire not to be the bad guy, or if I just think people won’t like me if I call them out when I have a problem. Maybe I’d rather live uncomfortably than upset someone else. Ugh, those are all terrible rationalizations, aren’t they?

Being honest and open means also being honest and open when you have a problem with someone else’s actions. And I know that being direct is really the more truthful way to solve problems and that people appreciate and respect others who assert themselves. I guess that’s a mindset that I need to embrace more fully.