Life Decisions

So much good news came my way this week, especially the news that I received the offer for the summer internship position I interviewed for! I am so excited for and extremely blessed by this opportunity to go out into the adult world and gain some real life experience in my career field. 

Also, I (officially) received the news that one of my good friends from college is engaged! I’m so excited and happy for her!

…But I’m also just a little bit terrified.

It really doesn’t have anything to do with her or her wedding; she’s just the first of my friends to get married. I mean, plenty of my acquaintances or former high school classmates have become engaged or tied the knot, but that never really registered much with me.

Until now.

When I heard the news, I was so happy for her and so excited because I freakin’ love weddings. But then, out of nowhere, all of the alarms in my head began sounding off at once screaming , “YOUR FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED! SHE’S OLD ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? YOU’RE ALSO OF MARRYING AGE! SOME GUY COULD COME ALONG RIGHT NOW AND MARRY YOU TOO!”

Looking back, hanging a garlic wreath outside my door to ward off potential husbands was probably a bit of an overreaction…

But in all reality, I suddenly started noticing my Facebook newsfeed blowing up with all sorts of engagement announcements, and it seemed as though everywhere I turned, college friends, high school classmates, and even childhood friends were engaged, married, or starting a family. It was kind of a big awakening for me; realizing that we’ve come to the point of our lives where we begin to make the decision of how we want to spend the rest of our time here.

But I don’t especially want to make that decision right now.

I can still remember freshman year, sitting in the dorm’s coffee kitchen with my friends and talking about the rest of our lives, about how we were going to have such a blast celebrating the first of our weddings. And now that day’s here, and so much has changed. When I sat at that table three years ago, I pictured us all so adult-like and world-wise; I figured anywhere between 25-30 years old was a good age to celebrate the first marriage in our friend group. 

But I’m only 20 years old, and I’m starting to see that we all have to begin to make the decision about what our lives are going to look like. As someone who really, really hates taking uninformed risks, I feel like I don’t know enough to make that decision. But I also know that refusing to make a decision is, in a way, still making a decision nonetheless. I don’t know what I want out of life; I don’t even know what life has to offer me yet. And I certainly don’t want to get married already.

Ugh... Maybe I’ll just pick up another major and hide from life for a while until I feel comfortable entering the world and making that decision. Until then, I suppose I’ll just eat a ton of Italian food and hope that the constant garlic on my breath wards away any would-be fiancees.