Because it’s confusing as Hell.
Seriously, while at college, I have been on so many dates
that I didn’t realize were dates until afterward. And that makes me kind of
mad. It’s almost offensive to me; to ask me to “hang out” as “friends”
and then try to hold my hand the whole time or put your arm around me or
something. Asking someone to “hang out” and then treating it like a date does
nothing but send mixed messages.
On one hand, I feel like dating and hanging
out shouldn’t really be any different. I mean, you do both to try and get to
know someone better and to grow closer with them. And yet, I get really upset when I find out
that someone who told me we were “just hanging out” saw it as a date the whole
time. Why is that? I think it’s because of the romantic expectations associated
with a date.
From my perspective, hanging out is solely platonic. I am
not romantically interested in my friends, who I hang out with all the time.
But on a date, there’s always that romantic elephant in the room. And it has that awkward physical expectation to it that isn’t
present at a platonic hangout.
And I think that’s what makes me mad about “hanging out”
with guys that are romantically interested in me. Because they’re expecting me
to act in a way consistent with their romantic expectations (ie holding their
hand or batting my eyelashes at them so much that I get strobe-light vision) and that’s not what I want or expect at all.
It’s confusing, it feels deceptive, and it takes away my
choice in the matter. Because when you leave
something that important out, you're essentially taking away my ability to make an informed
choice. And that bothers me; I should have the right to choose who I want to
become romantically involved with. Because sometimes I really, really like a
guy and love spending time with him, but that doesn’t mean that I want to hold
his hand or kiss him or any of that.
I just wish people were clearer about their
expectations. Because this whole "dating-but-not" thing is starting to drive me
crazy.
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